Got a couple-of E-mails last month that just broke me up. Seems like Christina L., who claims that she sits at her computer sometimes for nine hours straight going from one link to the other, sent these to me. I hope they brighten your day as they lit up mine.

There once was a successful rancher who died and left everything to his devoted wife. Since she knew very little about ranching but was determined to keep the ranch and make a go of it, she decided to place an ad in the newspaper for ranch hands. Two men applied for the job. One was gay and the other a drunk.

When no one else applied for the job, of the two she decided to hire the gay guy figuring it would be safer to have him around the house than the drunk. He turned out to be a fantastic worker. He knew a lot about ranching, every day putting in long, hard hours. For weeks the two of them worked hard and the ranch was doing really well.

Then one day the rancher's wife said to the hired hand, "We've both done nothing but work for weeks and you especially have really done a good job. The ranch looks great and I'm taking Saturday night off and going into town to kick up my heels and paint the town red, and I think you should do the same."

The hired hand agreed readily, and Saturday night each went to town.

Going her own way, the rancher's wife had dinner and drinks with friends, talked, joked and danced a lot. She had a great time, finally getting home about midnight. The hired hand wasn't there yet and so she sat by the fireplace to wait for him. One o'clock came and no hired hand yet. Not until two-thirty in the morning did he arrive. When he entered the house she called him over by her.

"Now I'm the boss", she said, "and you have to do what I tell you, right?"

"Well yes", he answered.

Slowly she said, "Then unbutton my blouse and take it off!" He did as she asked.

"Now take off my boots!" And he did.

"Now take off my socks!" Again, without flinching, he did as he was asked.

"Now take off my bra and skirt," which he did rather nervously.

"Now take off my panties!" This time he responded more quickly.

Looking at him she exclaimed, "Don't ever wear my clothes to town again!!!"

HERE'S AN OLDIE

A man named Sam had been in the newspaper business for 25 years when he finally became sick of the stress. So he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Virginia as far from humanity as was possible.

Sam sees the postman only once a week and gets his groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet for him. After six months or so of almost total isolation, he's finishing dinner one night when someone knocks on his door. Opening it he sees a big, bearded Virginian standing on his porch.

"Name's Enoch... Your neighbor from four miles over the ridge...Having a party Saturday... Thought you'd like to come."

"Great," says Sam, "after six months of this I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thanks for the invite!"

As Enoch is leaving, he stops and turns back to look at Sam. "Gotta warn you though -- there's gonna be some drinkin'."

"Not a problem. After 25 years in the newspaper business, I can drink with the best of 'em."

Again, as he starts to leave Enoch stops. "More 'n' likely gonna be some fightin' too."

Tough crowd, Sam thinks to himself. Out loud he assures Enoch, "Well, I get along with people so don't worry, I'll be there. Thanks again!"

Once again Enoch turns from the door. "Probly be some wild sex as well."

"Now that's really not a problem for me," says Sam, "Remember, I've been alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?"

Enoch stops in the doorway one last time and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us!"