From Perth, New Zealand, comes this harrowing story of hard times hitting the prostitution industry!

Shagged out by the whore who brought on the terror campaign against the United States, it seems like Perth's most prestigious brothel is reeling from the influx of American sailors who are stressed and frustrated after months spent on duty in the war against the terrorists in Afghanistan.

Mary-Anne Kenworthy, the madam of the Langtrees brothel, said she was forced to close her doors on Wednesday because her girls were so worn out they could no longer provide a quality service. When she realized the sex workers could not cope any more, she then decided to close the doors for a day rather than risk the brothel's reputation, she said.

"We're the biggest and the best in town," Kenworthy said. "I'd rather take nothing than offer a poor service."

She also said that her brothel had done a week's business in three days after over 5500 American sailors disembarked in Fremantle Sunday, many of them stressed from their encounter with war. Three US warships - the aircraft carrier USS John C Stennis, the guided missile cruiser USS Port Royal and the combat support ship USS Bridge - were returning from taking part in operations linked to the US-led campaign in Afghanistan.

"A lot of it was about stress - they had been in the war zone," Kenworthy said. "And they were a lot more agitated sexually because they had been at sea much too long. All the sex workers in Perth would have been exhausted. When I realized that my sex workers were taking money when they were not up to the job, as it were, I immediately shut up shop."

From New Delhi, India, the chief of police reported that "Fat Ruled" rampant among his cadre of constables!

This past week the senior police official in the northern Indian state of Haryana, John George, demanded that his porky cops lose their bulge or lose their badge.

"Enough is enough!" George bellowed at their daily orientation meetings. "Keep your paunches under check - or get out!"

The United News of India (UNI) quoted George as saying that his potbellied policemen could face disciplinary action, including compulsory retirement.

"A pot-belly not only looks awkward but is also a sign of sloth in the police force!"

Constables with an extended belly would also be deprived of promotions, according to directions issued by state police. The protruding stomachs have not only become a big hurdle while chasing criminals, the bulbous protrusions reduce the police force's capacity to work and contributes to numerous ailments, said the higher ups.

Afternote: UNI said policemen of five districts under George have already taken the warning seriously and have started exercising.

We were pierced with the stiffening news out of Tauranga, New Zealand! The Kiwi gentry are aroused by penis puppetry!

Authorities in New Zealand have been condemned for allowing a performance on the "art of genital origami", a comedy show called, "Puppetry of the Penis", where "two naked puppeteers" manipulate their penises into various shapes in "an astounding, jaw dropping series of penis installations," said one upset observer. But the Tauranga District Council's mayor, Jan Beange, was not apologetic, saying opponents did not need to go to the show, which was held on council property. However, Tauranga district councillor Joel Van Ameringen argued that using public amenities to host the show was not appropriate.

"I am appalled," he said. "I believe that if there isn't one already the council ought to have a policy on the use of public premises."

Beange defended the council position, saying it was not up to them to "set standards of morality for others through its management of the theatre.

"Anybody who wants to attend will go and pay to attend the show if they are interested," she said. "If they are not interested and they object, they simply do not go."

THIS NEXT NEWS FLASH WAS MORE THAN THIS REPORTER COULD BEAR!

Playboy makes grab for assets of Enron's former women employees!

A New York newspaper wrote that female employees of Enron, the scandal-ridden energy company, which collapsed under the weight of questionable, highly suspicious financial dealings last December becoming the biggest corporate bankruptcy in US history, have been invited to pose in Playboy magazine as part of a "Women of Enron" piece in one of its upcoming issues.

"When one door closes, another one opens," said Gary Cole, the magazine's photography director. "Playboy is offering the women of Enron an exciting opportunity that may lead them down a new career path."

To be considered for the job, candidates were asked to send in a recent full-figure photo of themselves in a two-piece swimsuit along with a head-and-shoulders portrait to the Playboy's Chicago headquarters.