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AIRLINES ANNOUNCE NEW TRAVEL ROUTE
by Nathaniel "Nate" Yaekel

I took the time in my busy schedule to hop a plane for a quick tour of the new facilities being built in Dis. I was so impressed that I've set aside my article on the finish results of the Iditerod Race that took place in Alaska this last month. I've traveled between one of the coldest places on earth to our hottest place, all in the space of one week's time! Good Gracious, I hope I don't get pneumonia!


TENTH CIRCLE ADDED TO RAPIDLY GROWING HELL
CITY OF DIS, NETHER HELL—After nearly four years of construction at an estimated cost of 750 million souls, Corpadverticus, the new 10th circle of Hell, finally opened its doors Monday . . . . Full Text

AMERICAN AIRLINES OFFER REWARD FOR MISSING ALZHEIMER’S PATIENT
FOR RELEASE: April 5, 2:45 p.m. CST
American Airlines, working with Tarrant County Crime Stoppers, today established a $10,000 reward fund for information leading to locating Margie Dabney, a 70-year-old Alzheimer’s patient who disappeared from Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport four months ago today. Mrs. Dabney disappeared from DFW Terminal A at about 10:30 a.m. Dec. 5 while she and her husband transferred between flights. She has not been found despite efforts by baggage handlers, local police, the FBI and an ongoing private investigation.
If found, please return to DFW Terminal-A  Lost and Found.



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