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THE INTERNET MAKES ME SICK
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Research suggests that external causative factors can trigger brain chemistry
changes that may induce physical and/or mental maladies. Typical causative factors may include:
- loss of a job;
- loss of income (no job, unemployment runs out);
- divorce (due to loss of job and income);
- new residence (due to loss of job, income, alimony);
- criminal indictment (bombing of former employer's facilities);
- criminal intent (maim, mutilate former boss);
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- Generate more restful sleep & lucid dreaming
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INGREDIENTS: "CLOUD NINE" Ferocity Tablets (tm)
Viagra (sexual dysfunction)
Propecia (hair loss)
Xenical (weight loss)
Phentenmine (weight loss)
Adipex (weight loss)
Didrex (weight loss)
Tenuate (weight loss)
Meridia (weight loss)
Ultram (pain relief)
Zyban (stop smoking)
Renova (rejuvenate skin)
Celebrex (arthritis relief)
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Valtrex (herpes)
Claritin (allergy relief)
Ionamin (weightloss)
Homeopathic GH (assist phy,mental aspects)
GH Enhancer (speed up phy,mental aspects)
HGH (Muscle, Protein)
DHEA (Muscle, Protein)
Grape Extract (Antioxidant)
C0 Q-10 (Antioxidant)
Green Tea (Antioxidant)
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Glucosamine (Arthritis)
Chondroitin (Arthritis)
Minoxidil (Hair Loss)
Echinacea (Immune Booster)
Cat's Claw (Immune Booster)
Goldenseal Root (Immune Booster)
Korean Ginseng (Energy Booster)
Feverfew (Migraine relief)
Kava Kava (Depression/Sleep)
St John's Wort (Depression/Sleep)
Valerian Root (Depression/Sleep)
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INTERNET: NEW WORLD OF ILLNESS FOR LOCAL HYPOCHONDRIAC
MERIDEN, CT—All her life, Janet Hartley has suffered from a host of ill-defined viruses and inexplicable aches and pains, diagnosing herself with everything from diabetes to cancer. But ever since discovering such online medical resources as WebMD, drkoop.com, and Yahoo! Health, the 41-year-old hypochondriac has had a whole new world of imaginary illnesses opened up to her.
. . . . Full Text
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INVESTMENT ANNOUNCEMENT
Pfizer Corp. (NYSE PFE) made the announcement today that VIAGRA(mykoxaphalentooldphyew) will soon be available in liquid form under the trade name of Mydixaflop. Mydixaflop will be marketed by Pepsi Cola (Pepsi Bottling Group NYSE PBG) as a power beverage suitable for use as is, or as a mixer, under the name Mount And Do. Pepsi's proposed ad campaign
suggests: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."
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This article is a parody and should not in any way be construed as fact. Please read our DISCLAIMER
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