It's pretty hard to do a PARODY on gambling because there are only two emotions that tie into that activity: Elation at Winning and sheer devastation at Losing. I can see both of those emotions, common threads, run at high levels in the e-mails that I receive.

Oscar writes me, "how can i win a little…? it seems i have become addicted to internet gambling and am always losing because i keep thinking i will win more and i always lose any that i have one ,any advice...??"

I wrote him: This is an excellent question. But like Harvey to your left, you can go round and round, count and count, and still find your self in square one. The main thing to remember when you gamble is that you probably will lose. You should only play with money you are prepared to give away. Whenever I gamble, (Yes, I do gamble but I'm not allowed to gamble in the casino I work in) I only go with money I am willing to spend while I have a good time. I will never play with money I need in order to get more money I think I need. The house is definitely set up to win and they make money on people who play emotionally.

If you want to win, you must set up a system and stick to it! Set up small parameters or steps and play it that way. What I mean is, if you are playing blackjack, determine before you go in that you will only play with $100 no matter what happens. Then be sure to stick to it. That was my father's rule until the day he died. After his retirement, he more or less played poker everyday making extra money that way.

Early in my gambling career, my biggest mistakes have come when I kept saying to myself, "OK, just a few more times and then I'll make up what I've lost...and then I'll quit!" Then, when I lost that, I would go back and try to win that back. BAD NEWS, PILGRIM!!! DON'T DO THAT!

Also remember what I've constantly said before: Big winners are also the big losers. You never hear about the big losers, because after losing they're not in any mood to talk about their misfortune. Be content to win only $20. If you can do that, then you can start winning $50, $100, or even $1000 sometimes. I bet you that there were many times you were up and winning (Am I right?) but you kept on playing and then lost it all back and more. Everyone has done that. The casinos BANK on you and all of us to do that.

Learn to stop when you're ahead. Try doing it. It is harder than it sounds. On a recent trip to Utah, I stopped in Mesquite for the night. On the way up I decided to just try and win enough to pay for the motel, which was only $19.95. I won $20 in quarters and felt kind of goofy leaving that way. It wasn't that much to win. But, I accomplished my goal, had a good time and got a free hotel room. On the way back down from Utah, I won $80 and had a blast.

I know that "Big Time Gamblers" would have laughed at that measly amount, but hey, I didn't lose! So, you see, it's important to be OK with small victory. Winning $1 is better than losing any amount, right? If you really feel you are addicted, you should probably take a break for 6 months to a year and get a hold of your situation. Gambling on the Internet is so dangerous because it is too easy to continue to click the 'charge it' button. I say, stick to Vegas, or somewhere close to you -- but not too close.

Oscar's answer was: "Thanks for your answer it was extremely well put and right on the money.... do you think that if you do win some on the internet casinos that if you cash out they really credit it to your credit card? My problem is that there is no casinos even remotely close…it is illegal in my home town probably good thing for me, or i would stay Broke LOL."

Most online casinos, Oscar, will credit your account. They are heavily regulated and usually are on the up 'n up. However, they are making a killing right now from gamblers and take in sooooo much more than they pay out. One way I have suggested to others to help them maintain their control over gambling is to do it while someone else watches. Discuss it with a friend and decide how much you will spend. If you reach that amount, the friend will help you stop. It is one way to try. Good luck, Pilgrim.