It's uncanny and sometimes downright spooky, but children have an unfailing ability to reveal secrets about the things they see or overhear when that's the last thing you want them to do. This causes an embarrassing situation for the parents, because the child will blab something you never in your wildest dreams wanted to become public knowledge, like the fact that your brother is a secret cross-dresser. Or if you're really unlucky, the child will point out things that are painfully embarrassing.

"Hey, look at that lady with the eye patch and the hook on her arm. She looks like a pirate!" your child will shout at the top of her lungs.

You and your spouse look desperately around, trying to find out whose child this is, since your own child would certainly never do anything so crass, like point out the victim of a freak goldfish attack. I remember when I was about six years old, and a classmate's mother was working as our substitute music teacher at the time. She was a rather large woman, and I wanted to know why. I had, so I thought, a honest-to-goodness reason to find out, so I asked her, "Why are you so fat?"

Luckily, substitute teachers refrained from spanking students in those days. It had been a forbidden practice for a long time. I had gotten into some serious trouble asking that question but not as much as if I would have asked the question in front of my parents. That painful experience was enough to make me realize that maybe I should think about what I'm going to say before I actually say it. However, this was not a lesson I actually followed until my late 20s, after relearning it many, many times. Now as a result of my always speaking without thinking, I have been smitten with the Parental Curse. That's where your parents say to you that they hope you have a child just like you were to them so that you could see what they went go through! My wife and I have been working to reverse the curse, but it's too early to tell yet if we have achieved some measure of success.

My two-year-old daughter loves to announce the obvious and embarrassing. In her favorite Sesame Street book, which we read every couple days, Ernie is bending over to pick up his bath toys.

"Dat's a butt!" my daughter announces proudly, pointing at Ernie's butt.

"Yes, honey, that's a butt," I answer.

What else can you say to a child when she has a) told the truth, b) demonstrated an immediate grasp of the obvious? This isn't such a big deal when it's just the two of us, and I use this chance to explain why pointing out such things are not done in polite company.

"You make a logical point, Father, and I promise to refrain from making such nasty, embarrassing remarks in the future," she says. At least that's what I think she's saying, although it sounds like "Dat's Ernie's butt!"

I can see this is something we will deal with over the next few years, and we're already starting to see signs of my past deeds coming back to haunt me. One night, several of us were at a restaurant. When the need arose, one of my family members volunteered to take my daughter to the bathroom. Upon her return, she informed our group -- and everyone else within earshot, including the next three tables -- that the volunteer in question had "tooted" while they were in there. After everyone at our table laughed, my little angel repeated her comment only this time louder.

How, as a concerned parent, do you explain to a two -year old that, while telling the truth is admirable, it can actually be dangerous to tell the truth all the time? How do you tell a child that there are just some questions you don't ask, and some truths you don't reveal? How can we be sure that our daughter will not reveal to our friends that I said their chicken casserole tastes like something the cat threw up behind the couch? We can't. As soon as we say something, we've guaranteed it will be repeated when our daughter meets the person we mentioned.

Our Daughter: I know who you are! My daddy says you're the lady who couldn't find her butt with both hands and a flashlight!

Lady: Oh really. Did your daddy also tell you I was a lawyer who specialized in slander suit, and just recently won a multi-million dollar lawsuit against your neighbor?

Let me warn new parents: There is no way to prevent this from ever happening. It's a law that every child will embarrass their parents in public by blurting out unwanted comments and questions in public like, "Mommy, why is that man covered with blood and carrying a chainsaw?"

We have to face it. Our children are going to embarrass us when they're young. They'll reveal family secrets, tell your friends you hate their cooking and their kids, and point out abnormalities in strangers. But we can get back at them when they're older. Pick them up after school wearing nothing but an old bathrobe and slippers, with your hair up in curlers.