NEWS OF THE WORLD AND EVERY PLACE ELSE!
by Maria Giusto

Despite the news coverage we've seen over the past month, there are other things happening around the world that make for FRESH n' HOT news. As Marvin Gaye once asked the world, "What's Goin' On?", here are some of the events just from the past week:

THE STOLEN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION OF 2000
by Marie Villarreal

Yes, I'm still beating the old drum. I have long followed this story with baited breath and finally the results have come out the way I thought they would. But who in their right minds can argue the point any longer. There is no such thing as the second bite at an apple that has gone bad. Although I said last month that out of respect I would no longer malign or disparage our sitting president, I can however report a published finding out of pure speculation.

OUR RIGHTS, YOUR RIGHTS
by Charlie "Chuck" Odessa

(From an E-Mail Letter I received from Barry Loudermilk, one of our more passionate compatriots.)
Broken Arrow, Oklahoma School officials removed "God Bless America" signs from their schools soon after the federal building in that state was bombed for fear that someone might be offended. Channel 12 News in Long Island, New York, ordered their flags removed from the newsroom and red, white, and blue ribbons removed from the lapels of their reporters. Why? Because, since they felt that our nations flag might give the appearance that "they lean one way or another", management did not want to appear wishy-washy. Berkeley, California banned U.S. Flags from being displayed on city fire trucks because they didn't want to offend anyone in the community. In an "act of tolerance" the head of the public library at Florida Gulf Coast University ordered all "Proud to be an American" signs removed so as to not offend international students.

MAKE MY DAY: FROM THE MOUTHS OF BABES
by Martin "Marty" Crenshaw

It's uncanny and sometimes downright spooky, but children have an unfailing ability to reveal secrets about the things they see or overhear when that's the last thing you want them to do. This causes an embarrassing situation for the parents, because the child will blab something you never in your wildest dreams wanted to become public knowledge, like the fact that your brother is a secret cross-dresser. Or if you're really unlucky, the child will point out things that are painfully embarrassing.

EATIN' OUT
by Alcamo "Al" Passagento

In the one year since I've been writing this feature on dieting I've learned a few truths. Of all of them, one stands out the most. One simply cannot diet and at the same time eat out of one's own house!

KEEPING JOURNALS
by Marie Villarreal

It seems that I have always kept a journal only they called them diaries in those days. Why do I say always? Because I really don't remember when I actually started one. It seems to me that I was always writing something down, I was that taken with myself over having learned to write, albeit I possessed a very rudimentary language. But that's neither here nor there. The point is I wrote and wrote and wrote. As if that were not enough to drive anyone crazy, I was constantly calling someone's attention to anything I felt moved to scribble, so my mother had told me.

BUDWEISER GETS THE LAST LAUGH
by Genviev Pannos

I received this e-mail from a reader who takes his job, his pride and his patriotism seriously. He has written a heart-warming story on how he, the manager, and his company, a distributor for Budweiser beer handled the dilemma of one of his delivery rivers. They seemed to squelch the laughing of those who found the tremendous loss of life in the World Trade Center Bombing a comical experience. As we read our e-mail on this tragedy, we have become aware that its impact has moved our readers to become proficient writers.

PREVENTIVE MAINTENANCE; WARRANTIES; SERVICE CONTRACTS
by Mac Meguire

As I promised you last month, here's the skinny on taking care of the second largest investment you make in your lives -- your automobile.

IS OUR TROUBLED ECONOMY OLD OR NEW?
by Jericho Van Orman

"I was reading an article in the latest issue of a well-recognized Investment Newsletter," wrote on of our readers, Tony Ghezzo, a frequent contributor to our PressPoints NetNews. "The commentary reminded me of the importance of the Romans in History. A more complete statement follows the beginning excerpt.

"When the Romans left Britain in 410 AD, the quality of life fell dramatically. The standard of living did not recover in Britain (and Europe) until, perhaps, more than 1,000 years later."

HER ENIGMATIC SMILE
by Roy "Cliff" Evans

The title is enough. I'm sure you've already guessed what this article is about. Yes, my article this month is about my lady, Mona Lisa. "La Gioconda," as she's called in her native Italy. And, in Italy, her name means playful, jolly, cheerful, and merry. In an offbeat report during yesterday's noon news, I heard the conclusions drawn by an assemblage of dentists studying the lady's smile:

"No doubt about it. That is exactly how she would look if she just had a tooth pulled."

CRAPS CLASS DRAWS COMPLAINTS
by Ha3ry Giusto

I couldn't help myself. I had heard about this outrageous article and I had to track it down to pass on to you pilgrims. Originally reported in Wisconsin's Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, the article which follows, while not strictly quoted here, was and re-reported by Scott Williams in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, where I found it in one of their back issues.

THE IDITAROD; A PASSION: HOW THE RACE CAME INTO BEING
by Nathaniel "Nate" Yaekel

"Like soldiers marching to the insistent beating of a drum, they set off with pounding hearts, mouthing pat slogans and often enough believing them..." So says Pierre Berton, of the Klondike News.

WE STAND BY YOU
by Garrison "Garry" Minstone

A young ensign aboard the USS Winston Churchill wrote the heart-warming letter that follows to his parents. (The USS Winston Churchill is an Arleigh Burke-class AEGIS guided-missile destroyer, commissioned March 10, 2001, and is the only active U.S. Navy warship named after a foreign national.) A friend of our spotted it published on the Internet and pointed it in our direction.