Despite the news coverage we've seen over the past month, there are other things happening around the world that make for FRESH n' HOT news. As Marvin Gaye once asked the world, "What's Goin' On?", here are some of the events just from the past week:

Butt Bras
Just because it works for regular breast bras doesn't mean underpants should do it, too. DuPont Lycra has introduced the Wonderbum, a new hosiery product that "lifts, separates, and shapes" a woman's rear, and promises "a perfectly peachy, pert bottom." I wouldn't be surprise if men picked up on this wonder, Wonderbum! Despite the wonderful claims, experts warn that it should not however be worn by accountants, bureaucrats, or anyone else with a reputation for being "tight," if you know what I mean. "Frequently, separation can actually cause emotional scarring for the wearer," said Dr. Andrew Maxwell, noted psychiatrist, who specializes in the treatment of the "chronically uptight."

Varsha Peshavaria, the marketing manager for DuPont Lycra, said the Wonderbum fabric -- which can stretch up to seven times its normal length -- can serve as an alternative to plastic surgery. However, fashion and fitness experts have pointed out that just because the fabric can stretch up to seven times its normal length doesn't mean it should be worn by people who can actually stretch it that far.

"These tights . . . allow the cheeks to express themselves," Peshavaria said at a British hosiery event where the Wonderbum was unveiled to the delight of the convention goers. DuPont also promises to introduce other products that "allow the cheeks to express themselves," including the "Hey, Pull My Finger" Lycra Glove.

Jedi Son
First it was the Star Trek geeks and their efforts to create a real, conversational Klingon language (they succeeded, by the way. You can find the Klingon language dictionary in your local bookstore, which is of, and in itself an eventful pastime). Now Star Wars geeks have claimed the Jedi faith as their religion, which comprise a body of devotees (they are the ones who chant "May the Force be with you") and missionaries committed to convert the world.

Thanks to an email campaign, more than 10,000 fans listed "Jedi" as their religion on Britain's 2001 census. As a result, Jedi now has its own census code, and it will appear on the 2002 census, although Britain's Office of National Statistics said they don't believe it's a real religion. In the Star Wars movies, Jedi Knights are a religious order of protectors who believe in the ability to tap into a universal power called "the Force." But on Earth, Jedi Knights are a bunch of 30- to 40-year old computer geeks who live in their parent's basements, work at electronics superstores, and haven't had a date since they found one in a bowl of granola.

Sleep Flyer - This is from our FRESH n' HOT "They're Still Stupid" news files.

"The Dead Walk Among Us"
A Philadelphia man is suing U.S. Airways for negligence, because he thought he had died in a plane crash, after the crew left him asleep on the plane. Scott Bender, passenger-turned-zombie, said he was asleep when the plane landed at Birmingham International Airport at 10:30 pm. He said the crew failed to wake him, and didn't check the cabin before they closed the hatch, turned off the lights, and locked the door. "He literally woke up and didn't know if he was alive or dead," said Richard Frankowski, Bender's lawyer. "That was his immediate fear."

Now, I think the fact that Bender "literally woke up" should have given him his first clue that he was still alive. Frankowski said Bender couldn't get his luggage until the following day and that his client has suffered mental and emotional anguish, lost wages, and out-of-pocket expenses after his near-death experience. However, legal experts (i.e. humor columnists who watch every episode of "Law & Order") point out that Bender, a jewelry salesman, couldn't sell anything that day, since the plane landed at 10:30 pm and all the stores were closed, and that "mental" and "emotional" are pretty much the same thing.

These same experts then flung holy water on Bender and recited the 23rd Psalm at him. While these actions had no effect on Bender, who apparently is not dead, there is speculation that it explains why his lawyer disappeared suddenly in a puff of smoke and lingering brimstone odor.

Ho Depot
Would you like fries with that? In an effort to clean up their city, and move the red light district away from its landmark cathedral, the German city of Cologne has created drive-in brothels on the outskirts of town. The brothels include an approach zone where clients can drive by prostitutes to choose among them. The chosen prostitute (he or she, I suppose) is then driven into a covered parking space where an adjoining bedroom and shower awaits them both.

Since prostitution is legal in Germany, police, city administration officials, and a Catholic charity will be there to provide support for the prostitutes, many of who are drug users. It's so heart-warming to see the police and the Catholic Church join together to support Germany's prostitutes and give them a place where they can ply their trade in warmth and comfort.

The complex, also known as the " 'Ho Depot," cost 830,000 Deutschemarks ($387,100 US). It also contains express lanes (10 sexual acts or less), an ATM machine, and a check cashing station. However, credit cards will not be accepted. Then again, the card companies are already screwing their customers with 19 percent interest rates.