One of my readers has more gripes than any other reader we have heard from. He virtually snipes about everything from Aardvarks to Zymurgy.

Last month he wrote me about a funeral he had attended for his younger cousin.

"I felt weird," His letter started out. "Only me and Doug were dressed in a suit. The rest of the attendees were in t-shirts and a whatnot of garb that I can only describe as redneck trash. I actually felt out of place. My aunt's 3 kids were there and me as the only cousins. Twenty people in all. The deceased's daughter was dressed in a bareback midriff and hip-hugger skirt with a long slit up the side. Am I just old fashioned or is that a sign of the times? Screw the solemnity of the situation. Shorts, pocket t-shirts with cigarettes, pens, sunglasses, and a lifetime of shit stuffed in that one pocket, polo shirt on top of sweatpants, fanny packs, straw cowboy hat, t-shirt, dungarees, and work boots. And one guy didn't even take off his hat when he went up to the casket!!!!!

BAH!!!!! HUMBUG!!!!!"

Our SNIPPER n' GRIPPER sent us another letter the month before the above one.

"My son's car is in the shop," he informed me. "AAMCO. The tranny shit the bed. Also a u-joint. Now he's got my Olds and I'm driving my piece of shit truck, which I've had since the 70's. I shouldn't complain about it. It always starts, passes emissions, gets me where I want to go (maybe not in the style I'm accustomed), and it seems whenever anyone needs a truck, you got it, they ask for mine. They can borrow the truck. They ain't gonna borrow me. I'm too old to move heavy shit. I don't even cut wood anymore. Had gas logs installed in the fireplace. Want more heat? Get the vice grips and crank up the dial. Gas grill. Gas logs. Gas trimmer. Gas tiller. Gas lawnmower. Gas leaf blower. And the price of gas keeps going up. I can't win. Bah!!!!!!!!!!! Humbug!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then, just before press time, our SNIPPER n' GRIPPER sent me an emergency e-mail, which I forwarded to Mac Meguire, our resident mechanic of NUTS n' BOLTS.

"I took my Olds for emissions check today. Failed miserably. Nitrous oxides were up over 1500. Minimum is 1000. Had a valve replaced in the carb. (I forgot the name), took it back and it went up over 1600 PPM. Filled it up with high test gas, burned that out, refilled with high test gas again, and when it went down to 1/2 tank, I put 3 bottles of dri-gas in he tank, went to emissions and the NO dropped to 242 PPM. Ask Mac: Does high-test gas make that much of a difference or was it the dri gas? Such a drastic reduction.

As an aside, I have to tell you that my tomato plants are doing great. Another month and they'll be in the ground. Everyone should plant tomatoes -- they're good for you.

Gotta go. Hospital visiting time. I have so many friends and relatives in hospital lately. Gotta make a short appearance for each one. I know when I was in the hospital, I didn't want anyone to stay. Only long enough to say, "How are you?" "Feeling better?" "Got to go" That's it. Leave the Dunkin Donuts coffee and get outta here. I'M SICK!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED MY REST!!!!!!!!! IF I WAS FEELING BETTER, I'D GO HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

EDITOR'S NOTE:
Our SNIPPERS n' GRIPPERS mean business. It's a pleasure for us to hear from all of you. You can contact Charlie  on site; http://www.4pointspress.com or direct your email to the Editor.